St. Louis Forum Blog: The Messy Reality of Work-Life Balance

 

The Messy Reality of Work-Life Balance

Featuring: Maggie Bailey, Vice President at CannonDesign

How do you do it all?” This was a question I often asked my mentors—women juggling 40+ hour workweeks, travel, and family responsibilities. They seemed to have figured it out. I wanted to know their secret. How could I continue to advance and do the same? The answer many of these mentors gave me was often: “It’s hard, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. And I try to find a balance.”

That’s it, the word: balance. It’s a concept we hear about a lot, but there’s no one universal definition. Each person defines balance differently, choosing the meaning that aligns with their values and circumstances. Here are just a few interpretations:

  • Balance: the ability to retain one's balance

  • Balance: an aesthetically pleasing integration of elements

  • Balance: to bring into harmony or proportion

Then there’s work-life balance.

Origins of work-life balance

For history enthusiasts: Interestingly, the term "work-life balance" first gained prominence in the 1970s in the United Kingdom as part of the Women’s Liberation Movement, which advocated for flexible schedules and maternity leave for women. The idea was that women needed to balance work with taking care of the house responsibility, child rearing and more. From the UK, this phrase was then introduced to the US through Rosabeth Moss Kanter's book "Work and Family" in 1977. Initially, this term was not applied to men. It wasn’t until later that it evolved to encompass all working individuals.

This history highlights how the concept has grown to address the broader challenges of modern life, where balance remains a deeply personal and ongoing journey.

My personal experience

Fast forward a decade, and now I’m a woman working 40+ hours a week, sometimes traveling, with three tiny humans under the age of five at home, and volunteering in the community. Now, I get asked the same question: “How do you balance it all?”

Honestly, I don’t. It’s a constant juggle, often messy, and I’m definitely not doing it alone. I’m fortunate to have a supportive partner who steps in when I travel, especially on those nights when my kids really need their mom. Living in the same city as most of my family is a privilege—I know I can count on them in an emergency. I also have an incredible babysitter who watches my kids four days a week and fills in when I can’t be there. I have a village, and I wholeheartedly rely on them.

Again, balance is unique to everyone. Before I had children, I would struggle with needing to leave the office to spend time with my dog. Even with a dog walker, I felt awful if a deadline kept me late. Now, with tiny humans in the mix, that guilt has only amplified. 

But guilt and the struggle for balance aren’t exclusive to parents. I have many friends and colleagues without children who also grapple with finding equilibrium. Whether it’s caring for sick parents, supporting siblings, or simply trying to carve out time for themselves, or all the above, the pull to balance competing priorities is a constant challenge for so many of us.

 

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According to Deloitte's 2024 Women @ Work report, only 37% of women feel able to disconnect from work. The report highlights that women continue to bear a disproportionate share of domestic responsibilities, with a notable increase in those caring for another adult. This imbalance is significantly impacting their careers and mental health.

Instead of chasing perfect balance, I’ve learned to embrace the reality that every day is different—and even within a single day, I can experience moments of balance and imbalance. There are always tradeoffs, and depending on the day, some things will take priority while others take a backseat. 

This perspective is beautifully captured in Tiffany Dufu’s book, Drop the Ball: Achieving More by Doing Less. If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it. The overarching message is that achieving perfect balance is nearly impossible—and it’s perfectly okay to do less.

Balance is personal

Articles about work-life balance and integration will always exist, but ultimately, balance is a deeply personal concept that each of us must define for ourselves. For me, that definition is still evolving. Recently, I lost a dear friend. Their passing was a stark reminder of how vital it is to check in with myself and reflect on how I’m living my life. It’s a practice worth taking a few moments each day to prioritize.

Instead of fixating on achieving the ultimate work-life balance, I now end each day with a personal check-in:

  • Did I achieve something meaningful at work? 

  • Was I truly present at home? 

  • Am I feeling mentally and physically well?

  • What made me smile today?

Equally important is giving myself grace—something we rarely discuss in professional and personal contexts. We need compassion in both areas because perfection is impossible. 

Some days, my self-assessment leaves me feeling down. But most days, I feel good or even great. Often, this check-in serves as a reminder of how much I have and just how full and meaningful life truly is.

Bottom line

Life is messy. At every stage of my life, I've strived for perfection, and when it didn't happen, I felt inadequate. 

Now, with time and perspective, I’ve come to a place where I know perfection isn’t possible, at least not for me. Work-life balance now means embracing imperfections and recognizing that it’s all part of our human experience. It also means giving myself grace when I occasionally slip back into old patterns of seeking the ideal.

Embrace whatever balance looks like for you. If it's messy, know that you're not alone—and that’s perfectly okay.